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{"id":31587,"date":"2020-01-13T05:30:57","date_gmt":"2020-01-12T22:30:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/pecihitam.org\/?p=31587"},"modified":"2020-01-12T19:42:07","modified_gmt":"2020-01-12T12:42:07","slug":"humor-santri-gara-gara-kentut","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pecihitam.org\/humor-santri-gara-gara-kentut\/","title":{"rendered":"Humor Santri: Gara-gara Kentut, Mimpi Zaed Berantakan"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Pecihitam.org<\/strong> – Humor Santri <\/strong>(Gara-gara Kentut<\/em>) – Waktu subuh adalah waktu paling revolusioner bagi umat Islam. Saking revolusionernya, sampai dikatakan bahwa jika umat Islam mampu kompak berjama\u2019ah subuh di masjid, dunia Islam bakal benar-benar maju.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Faktanya? Coba tanyakan pada marbot masjid masing-masing, e, diri sendiri. Hehehe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Berbeda dengan, sebut saja namanya Zaed, iya, bagi santri satu ini waktu subuh adalah waktu josss untuk menimbun mimpi demi mimpi di tumpukkan iler: bobo nyenyak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Namun, apa daya Zaed, di pesantren<\/a> ia harus selalu menyudahi mimpinya kala subuh. Sebab, di pesantren semua santri wajib bin wajib salat berjama\u2019ah. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ia harus benar-benar bangun sebelum azan subuh. Kalau masih ngotot rebahan, tentu guyuran air bakal menghujani wajahnya yang plongo itu. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Petugas piket sudah beraksi tiga puluh menit sebelum azan. Dan, kemanan pesantren telah siap dengan air pagi yang dingin. Jika para santri tak jua beranjak siap-siap salat berjama\u2019ah, maka wajah mereka adalah bidikan basah. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seperti wajah Zaed pagi itu, oh tidak, nyaris setiap pagi wajahnya bak wajah Jakarta di musim hujan: bajir.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSetan alas!\u201d pekik Zaed, merasakan sengatan dingin air di wajahnya. Ia naik pitam. Emosi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Namun amarahnya spontan melumer. Mendapati wajah geram kemananan pusat berjongkok menodongkan sorot matanya tepat di pucuk hidung Zaed. Tanpa kata-kata.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Zaed beringas, segera lari ke luar kamar. Dengan rambut acak-acakan, wajah basah, bercelana kolor bertelanjang dada, Zaed menuju kamar mandi. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seperti biasa, di kamar mandi antrean begitu bejubal. Hebatnya Zaed, walau ia mules, rasa kantuknya tetap merayunya untuk tidur barang sebentar. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAh, lumayan, belum azan ini,\u201d gumamnya.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ia berjongkok di antrean ke sekian dengan kerudungan sarung. Namun, ceriwis para santri yang berebut antrean selalu menggagalkan Zaed memejamkan mata.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bukan Zaed namanya kalau kurang akal. Ia lantas melirik mobil kiai yang memang saat itu tidak dimasukkan ke garasi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAha, ini dia!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Zaed segera menuju mobil pak kiai. Ndilalahnya, pintu belakang mobil tak dikunci. Zaed masuk ke dalam. Seakan telah disiapkan, eh di dalam mobil ada mantel mobil, berselimutlah Zaed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mimpi-mimpinya kembali bermunculan, Zaed terlelap dipeluk mantel mobil yang cukup menghangatkan. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Beberapa jam kemudian \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPreeetttt \u2026 kepet-kepet-kepet-kepet!!!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pak kiai dan mang sopir saling tatap muka. Keduanya bingung bukan main. Sebab memang di mobil itu hanya ada mereka berdua, pikir pak kiai dan mang sopir.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Merebaklah aroma khas kentut Zaed; aromanya mengepung segala penjuru. Untungnya, dua pria yang duduk di depan itu bukan teman sekamar Zaed. Kalau saja iya, tentu aroma itu tidaklah asing milik siapa.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pak kiai segera memasang wajah kecut. Mang sopir tak kalah kecut, ia malah seakan hendak muntah. Mobil tetap melaju. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rupa-rupanya mules Zaed yang tertahan kantuk itu mencapai titik klimaks. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sadar bahwa sumber suara berasal dari belakang, pak kiai segera mengecek. Instingnya menggerakkan kedua tangannya untuk meraih mantel mobil yang memang agak ganjil itu. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perlahan mantel itu dibuka, dan \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSubhanallah<\/a>!\u201d pekik pak kiai.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWalhamdulillah!\u201d teriak mang sopir, kaget.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAllahu Akbar!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yang terakhir adalah suara Zaed diiringi kentut.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

*Cerita ini disadur dari kejadian nyata di salah satu pondok pesantren dengan beberapa tambahan dialog dan narasi. Namun, sungguh, jangan menyangka ini kisah saya pribadi. Demi cintaku padanya, sungguh bukan. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wallahul muwaffiq.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Pecihitam.org – Humor Santri (Gara-gara Kentut) – Waktu subuh adalah waktu paling revolusioner bagi umat Islam. Saking revolusionernya, sampai dikatakan bahwa jika umat Islam mampu kompak berjama\u2019ah subuh di masjid, dunia Islam bakal benar-benar maju. Faktanya? Coba tanyakan pada marbot masjid masing-masing, e, diri sendiri. Hehehe. Berbeda dengan, sebut saja namanya Zaed, iya, bagi santri […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":31859,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[8893,1372],"yoast_head":"\nHumor Santri: Gara-gara Kentut, Mimpi Zaed Berantakan - Pecihitam.org<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"(Gara-gara kentut) - Sebut saja namanya Zaed. 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